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Seynt Volantynys Day
Telluride Daily Planet, Sunday, February 9, 2014 Dear Mr. Chaucer, For this was on seynt Volantynys day, Whan euery bryd comyth there to chese his make. I don’t pretend to speak for all people, just a couple hundred million. Just kidding. Or kydnyg or however you would say it in 14th Century English. I am…
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Reverse psychology
Telluride Daily Planet, Sunday, December 29, 2013 You. Yes, you. You are no longer allowed to have New Year’s resolutions, by decree of the highest court in the land, signed and dated this 29th day of December, 2013. It is expressly forbidden and punishable by law. So don’t even try. When the ball drops and…
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Transcribed from the original…
Telluride Daily Planet, Sunday, December 15, 2013 Transcribed from the original letter, dated December 13, 2013. Dear Michelle, True, true, I don’t generally reply to letters. And I’ll admit it was the missus who suggested I make an exception – not because you’re particularly needy, or worthy, or unique, my dear, but because I know…
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Don’t spare me the details
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Best peach recipe (ever)
Telluride Daily Planet, Sunday, September 15, 2013 Prep time: your entire life until now Actual prep time: 5-10 minutes Ingredients: peaches, heavy cream, honey 1. Invite someone nice over. 2. Take out a bowl. There’s a white bowl from my childhood, a milky white one that I don’t remember ever not seeing growing up, the…
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Assorted cream-filled resolutions