Category: Seasons and Holidays

  • Seynt Volantynys Day

    Telluride Daily Planet, Sunday, February 9, 2014 Dear Mr. Chaucer, For this was on seynt Volantynys day, Whan euery bryd comyth there to chese his make. I don’t pretend to speak for all people, just a couple hundred million. Just kidding. Or kydnyg or however you would say it in 14th Century English. I am…

  • Reverse psychology

    Telluride Daily Planet, Sunday, December 29, 2013 You. Yes, you. You are no longer allowed to have New Year’s resolutions, by decree of the highest court in the land, signed and dated this 29th day of December, 2013. It is expressly forbidden and punishable by law. So don’t even try. When the ball drops and…

  • Transcribed from the original…

    Telluride Daily Planet, Sunday, December 15, 2013 Transcribed from the original letter, dated December 13, 2013. Dear Michelle, True, true, I don’t generally reply to letters. And I’ll admit it was the missus who suggested I make an exception – not because you’re particularly needy, or worthy, or unique, my dear, but because I know…

  • Don’t spare me the details

    Telluride Daily Planet, Sunday, December 1, 2013 Hey, just in case. In case I get up in the morning already chomping at the number one task on the number one list, already back in last night’s thoughts, the ones sputtering like grease in a pan before I drift off to sleep. In case I forget…

  • Best peach recipe (ever)

    Telluride Daily Planet, Sunday, September 15, 2013 Prep time: your entire life until now Actual prep time: 5-10 minutes Ingredients: peaches, heavy cream, honey 1. Invite someone nice over. 2. Take out a bowl. There’s a white bowl from my childhood, a milky white one that I don’t remember ever not seeing growing up, the…

  • Assorted cream-filled resolutions

    Telluride Daily Planet, Sunday, January 6, 2013 Life is not at all like a box of chocolates, because if you’re clever you do know what you’re going to get. In that box. Or there might be a diagram. Anyway, right now life is a box of chocolates to give up. I’m done. The holidays are…