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Once upon a time, New Year’s Eve 1945
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Seynt Volantynys Day
Telluride Daily Planet, Sunday, February 9, 2014 Dear Mr. Chaucer, For this was on seynt Volantynys day, Whan euery bryd comyth there to chese his make. I don’t pretend to speak for all people, just a couple hundred million. Just kidding. Or kydnyg or however you would say it in 14th Century English. I am…
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Dear Cat (from Hell)
Telluride Daily Planet, Sunday, March 17, 2013 It’s nearly spring, my love. You are making snorfing sounds as you eat a dinner I made by hand, with chicken livers and turkey, oatmeal and carrots. A dinner the pressure-cooked steam of which requires the house to be aired out a bit, windows opened, candles burned. A…
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Fifty Shades of Pink – Censored!
SPOOF NOT PUBLISHED, Sunday, December 2, 2012 “When you split the hard fruit open, a mass of red seeds in a spongy white membrane is revealed. Only the seeds, with their sweet-tart flavor and juice squirting texture, are edible.” Product description, Garden of Eden Isabella leans up from the sink, face flushed, pink juice dripping…
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Thanksgiving
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How to capture a woman (with or without a butterfly net)